Here’s An Opinion On:
Submitted by: Py Kim Conant
I have received very thoughtful comments from my friends responding to How to Establish Boundaries in Dating and Romantic Relationships. I want to share them with you. Thank all of you for sending me your great thoughts and comments/opinions. I really appreciate it.
1. From: YO! Jenny is awesome
I think that what you’ve noted sounds wonderful. I’ve had a bit of problems in stating boundaries in past relationships: I’m always afraid of letting them down, and I’m really (probably too) easy-going to really assert myself.
I’ve never had too much of a problem with the physical boundaries, moving in, marriage, etc. (as no one I’ve dated is really ready for that just yet anyway), but in sexuality it’s posed a big problem. I’m fine telling people that I don’t want XYorZ, but when it comes down to it I always end up giving in. Perhaps I’m just not a strong-willed enough woman? I have no idea.
Only recently have I really been a lot better at frankly telling someone what I do and don’t want, and although I’ve been doing what I was afraid of (hurting someone), I realized that it’s really best for me (and when I noted this to the people getting the boundaries placed on them they turned out to be quite happy for me). Wow, I hope that made sense.
2. From: sweetgirltech
I really don’t understand this stuff. All of a sudden, they change the rules and you become the “girlfriend”, but no one told YOU. I myself am very unclear and have lost relationships because I didn’t understand. Please everyone share this with us.
3. From: Day Dreamer
Based on your train of thought the woman should attempt to psychologically control the relationship …. In theory this works however in practice may things are involved.
The self esteem of either the man or the woman…a perfectly good relationship may be ended by someone trying to dominate the relationship!
The belief system of the couple involved…A man based on social standing and economic conditioning may see these boundaries as rejection and move on based on his belief that there is no love or chance for love in the relationship!
In any event…boundaries work well for those that are use to and respect said boundaries. For many others it is simply may be seen as women having control issues!
4. From: Devil’s {ZSC} Advocate
You’re sooo good with these. I wish I had read some of this a few months ago. Not this subject in particular, but other things. It’s a long story, and it’s been 3 months since we’ve broken up, and I’m still trying to move on. It’s hard, but I just want to say that I’m definitely going to buy this book. Thank you so much.
5. From: Arohtar
That is pretty good advice for most and I would have said to my mates to follow it. But in another post here I stated that it was my wife who took my virginity and after living together for 15 months getting married was the next emotional step. And I did ask future father-in-law for her hand and I was given permission. The only thing I didn’t know at that time was she was a sexual/physical abuse survivor and the main perpetrator was her father. But that’s another story.
This formula seemed to work for us and I am happy with the way things turned out.
About the Author: Py Kim Conant, Sex Secrets of an American Geisha: How to Attract, Satisfy, and Keep Your Man, Hunter House, October 28, 2006. Looking for relationship, dating and sex tips? Visit Py s website at
AmericanGeishaHouse.com
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